We’ve all seen power couples that seem to have it all figured out. They’re growing empires side by side, making it all look so effortless and making you wonder why you and your spouse can’t have it all, just like them. It seems like no matter how much you could use your spouse’s support in the trenches, they just don’t share your excitement. You’re disappointed, wondering why can’t you be like some other couples you’ve seen and admired.
Here’s the harsh truth: You can’t force someone to be passionate about something. Some people are fueled by the prospect of building a business, entrepreneurship, and high-stakes games of growth and competition. Others not so much — and that’s okay.
Too many business owners project their passions onto their partners, trying to mold them into business partners when that’s simply not what they want to be.
Think about it like a law firm (or any business, really). Some people thrive in the courtroom. They love arguing cases in front of an audience; it brings out the best in their professional skillset. But they want nothing to do with the business side of things. Then there are others, who may hate the fight in the courtroom but love business strategy, operations, and scaling. Both are crucial to a successful law firm, but they’re not interchangeable.
Now imagine someone who doesn’t want to be involved in the business at all. Maybe they’re happy raising the kids, being a career creative, or focusing on their own business. Maybe they simply don’t get the rush you do from entrepreneurship. That doesn’t mean they’re any less valuable. In fact, that may be what attracted you to them in the first place.
Ideally, you should know this early on. When my wife Jessica and I started dating, business was a big topic of our conversations. We talked about all of it: strategy, growth, challenges. It was a natural fit because we both had that mindset. But if one person in the relationship isn’t wired that way, trying to change them later on is going to lead to nothing but disappointment. If you find yourself only now realizing that you and your spouse don’t share that passion, you have two choices: accept or move on.
Everyone has their strengths. Your spouse may not share yours, but that doesn’t mean they don’t bring plenty to the table — even making up for your weaknesses in the process. Maybe it’s creating stability in your life so you can go all-in on the business. Maybe they keep the household running while you’re burning the midnight oil. You can view your differences more like yin and yang: coming together to create one harmonious life together.
But if that’s not a possibility for you; if it’s your non-negotiable to have a business partner at home, then you have to be honest with yourself and your spouse and possibly make some hard decisions.
But before you do that, it may be worth reminding yourself that your spouse doesn’t have to be your business partner. They don’t have to be interested in profit margins, growth strategies, or hiring decisions to be a great partner to you. You can have an exemplary leadership team, mentors, and fellow entrepreneurs to talk business with at work. And life, family, interests, and anything else to talk about at home. People are multi-faceted and the chances are, you could use a break from the business side of things at times — no matter how passionate you are about it.
At the end of the day, marriage is about alignment. All that matters is that you and your spouse are on the same page about what you each bring to the relationship and your shared life. So, stop trying to force them into a role they were never meant to play and start appreciating them for the role they do play.
That’s how you win in both business and marriage.
